I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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