how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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