Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
