I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
