Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
