At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
