you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
