I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
