No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
