When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
