I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
