I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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