i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
