and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
