I am in a vortex of obligation.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
