therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
