It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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