please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
