it was like his penis was on wheels.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
