I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
