I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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