Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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