Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
someone owes me an orgasm
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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