So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
