bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
