The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize