Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
