You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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