So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
