what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
