my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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