It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
