think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize