Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
