So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
