Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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