Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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