I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
