I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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