who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
