it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
