I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
