Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
