direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
