Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
