Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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