how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
