that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize