this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
