i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
