i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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