Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize