I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
