3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
