i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
