Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
