Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Vodka?
Forever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize