We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
