If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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