I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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