I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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