Your tits are I can't wait for
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
