just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
