God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
