They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
