I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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