It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
