Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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