I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
