Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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