ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
