day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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