she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
