Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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