i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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