im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
