If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
