dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
