your parents love me but you hate me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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