White coat. Heels.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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