I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
