Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
